RD's Obsessions

cancer update

Cancerversary

My Cancerversary Story
Last day of chemo!!

My Cancerversary Story

Exactly one year ago from today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. From that point on, for the rest of 2016, I was entering unknown territory. I had never had a surgery in my life to all of a sudden going through several surgeries, feeling the worst pain I’ve ever felt, rapidly going through fertility preservation, and chemo.

My Cancerversary Story

These are photos during my time in chemo.

Not sure why but I rarely shared these photos. One thing that became a tradition was that at the end of each chemo session, I would give everyone two thumbs up. Hence why you all are seeing me give the two thumbs up in each photo. It makes me giggle when I look at them. In an odd way, they are happy thoughts.

first chemo session
Round 1

(first chemo session)
Lost my hair - My Cancerversary Story
Round 2

(Lost my hair about a week after round 1)
3rd chemo session
Round 3
4th chemo session
Round 4
5th chemo session
Round 5
6th chemo session
Round 6

I never mentioned this when I first told you all about my cancer diagnosis. But a year ago, I wasn’t sure if I was able to see how my life would be a year later. When I first heard the words “you have cancer”, I didn’t know if I was going to live. My cancer was aggressive, and in fact, I instantly had to make decisions on the fly. A lot of my decisions were so scary. I also had to decide based on which had the best long term outcome and I cried a lot about my decisions. No matter what I decided it all seemed so unfair.

My oncologist and I
My oncologist and I

This week caused me anxiety.

Almost everything appeared way too familiar, especially when it came to work. How many hours I was working, what I was stressing about at work, what I’m working on, and who I’m dealing with was almost identical to what was happening last year. I felt like I was experiencing deja vu. I felt so uneasy. In addition, the thought of going to work caused me to panic. I almost didn’t make it to work because I was too afraid. Afraid of what? Who knows. Maybe because a year ago leading up to today was when I found out I had cancer. It also didn’t help that I found out in the middle of the day while I was working. In fact, I remember telling my boss immediately that I can’t work the rest of the day without giving any explanation.

Luckily, this year, there was one hurdle I was so glad we achieved. Last year, we had to cancel our trip to Florida. This time around, we made it to Florida and had an amazing time just relaxing. This helped me feel at ease knowing that it is still possible to achieve things that I want to do.

I can’t help but have tears stream down my face when I reflect on my year.

A lot of it has to do with my time during chemo. More specifically,  I vividly picture our drive to one of our numerous trips to the hospital during the Spring. It was always a beautiful drive down Lake Shore Drive. We would pass by the John Hancock, Millennium Park, Grant Park, the Museum Campus, etc surrounded by pink and white Flowering Crabapple Allee and Cherry Blossoms trees. Every time I saw those beautiful floral trees along our drive, I kept thinking to myself ‘Man, it would be so nice to just explore and walk around the park.‘ I wanted to so badly. I don’t know why but it was on the top of my list. It was so minute but it seemed so amazing to me to be out there. I was just too sick to be able to get out.

Knowing that I am now well enough to get out and surround myself by those gorgeous Flowering Crabapple Allee and Cherry Blossom trees makes me so emotional. As if I am in disbelief that I can really do it. No, I take it back, I really can’t believe it. You bet I will be going to those parks and surrounding myself with those trees as soon as they are in season.

You survived what you thought would kill you. Now straighten your crown and move forward like the Queen you are.
source

I still go in for treatments.

I still have my daily struggles. But I can talk about that in some other post. I also wanted this post to be more about celebrating what I overcame. I’m so blessed and grateful to be here now. I know I still have a ways to go until I feel healed, but I am so glad to be here. I am so happy to be getting ‘older’. While most people I know are dreading getting older and turning 30, I am excited to say I look forward to getting old.

xo RD

 

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Comments

  1. Andrea Nine says

    You're amazing!! You are an example of strength and perserverance and have become of beacon of light for others suffering. Thank you for sharing this journey with us, I prayed for you often and will continue to do so. You are going to be one stylish old lady!!!!! 🙂

    Reply

  4. According to Kiki says

    You looked cancer in the eye and said not me. Not today. As always, I applaud you for your strength and sharing this journey with us strangers. (; I only continue t pray for you that you continue life with this attitude you have adopted because really, it's contagious! I pray that you learn and grow from all of this and your life only blesses you from here on out. <3

    Reply

  7. Oh to Be a Muse says

    I'm so happy to see how far you've come since a year ago when you found out you had cancer. You have made amazing strides and are stronger for it. I love the quote and I love that you are excited to get older. I was never one of those girls who dreaded getting a year older because, as you very well know, it's a blessing to be able to live another day, week, month, year in this world.

    P.s., you're the best!

    Reply

    • Rach DiMare says

      Thank you so much Deborah! Honestly, blogging is what helped me though and showed me that I can still get up and go during chemo even if its for a few minutes of photos.

      Reply

  13. Katie Niemiec says

    Wow! What a year you've had and so happy to celebrate big and small victories! You are such a positive spirit, Rachel! I really hope you're doing well – always thinking and praying for you sweet friend. You got this!

    Reply

    • Rach DiMare says

      It was and the week leading up to it I think was much harder. I probably was just anxious. I am so looking forward to Spring and going to the parks! Thank you Amy Ann!

      Reply

  21. awhite says

    You are amazing, lady- so strong and determined! It's also been so brave of you to share your journey, however difficult along the way, with your readers. I am so happy that you are recovering and living your life to the fullest!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

    Reply

  27. Julia Mazzucato says

    Oh, Rach, you are such an inspiration to me. Your strength and courage is so humbling and beautiful. I cannot imagine ever going through this but I've had family members suffer and pass from cancer so my heart goes out to you in your fight. You are triumphing over your cancer every day. Thank you for sharing this with us and I'm sending you all my love and positivity, always.
    Julia・Little Miss Haute Couture

    Reply

  33. Chelsea Balderston says

    Rach,

    This is bringing tears to my eyes. Everything that you're saying is exactly how I felt. I completely dreaded my one year cancerversary (April 15th, tax day, so luckily, everyone else hates it too. LOL) I didn't want to be doing the same things or be at the same places I was on that day. Like you said, it all felt too familiar.

    It's so incredible reading about your journey. You are so strong for being able to share all of your thoughts. It still feels too fresh for me.

    I'm so glad that we found each other on Instagram. If you ever make it out to sunny SoCal, I would love to get together with you!

    Thank you for sharing, girl!

    xo Chelsea

    Reply

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