Many of you started to get a hint that something is going on. Although I do share some personal stuff in this blog, I don’t share every detail. A glimpse of my every day life is usually shown through my Instagram. Based on some of my posts, some of you have noticed I am going through something and some may already know what is going on. For those who have reached out, thank you so much for your support and wishing me well! They really mean a lot and the positive vibes give me strength each day.
Let’s just say the start of the year took an unexpected turn. This year, Tre and I had plans to celebrate our newlywed year by traveling and exploring and I was very glad that my passion for traveling would happen. We had booked a couple trips already! Unfortunately, we had to cancel them. This has been one of my hardest posts that I will ever write. I am unsure how long this will be, but I want to be as honest as possible.
When I saw this clip from The Ellen Show, I was pouring tears. The song ‘Fight Song’ by Rachel Platten had a whole different meaning than what I originally thought it was about. Now, I totally relate and this song holds so much more motivation to my life. If you just watched the clip, you may know where I am going with this.
About a month and a half ago, my biopsy confirmed that I have 3 tumors containing cancer cells, and I was diagnosed with Stage 2A breast cancer. Without a doubt, hearing from my doctor that I have cancer was an absolute shock and I could not contain my tears. I never ever expected to have cancer. Especially, at this point in my life. Breast cancer is not known to be in my family and I was totally caught off guard.
Ever since I was diagnosed, my days have consisted of several tests and doctor appointments. It was exhausting. However, on the way to the hospital the first song on the radio would always be (I seriously mean always) Rachel Platten’s Fight Song. I can’t help but think it is a sign that no matter what sucker punch life just gave me, I can handle it. My dad mentioned to me that I always liked a challenge and always succeed every challenge. Breast cancer is just another challenge that I will defeat. In every appointment and test, good or bad, I always searched for a silver lining. These silver linings reminded me that there is no such thing as having a bad day. Even before this process, I strongly believe every crappy day always has at least one silver lining.
Based on the type of breast cancer I have, my treatment plan will take approximately 10 years. I honestly wish a surgery could take care of everything, but since cancer cells cannot always be caught through imaging test results, an aggressive treatment plan is on deck. I will start with chemotherapy, then a double mastectomy, and during surgery a determination will be made if I will continue chemotherapy or not. If not, there are other therapies like radiation. After the post-surgery treatment is complete, I will be on Tamoxifen for 10 years.
During treatment, it was highly emphasized that I cannot get pregnant. All these drugs can be toxic to a baby. It was at this point that it all hit me and it hit me hard. I was becoming more and more fond of the idea of changing the second bedroom into a nursery room. I even had a plan on how to decorate it. I couldn’t take it. It was not fair at all that I could not have a baby. I really wanted to build our family.
After learning more about breast cancer than I thought I would ever know, I learned that with cancer, there is always a risk. The more discussions we had with different doctors, I decided to go ahead with the fertility perseveration process. I figured, I can’t let cancer ruin my future plan. My life doesn’t end because I have cancer. My doctors agree and believe quality of life after cancer is important. So I went to a fertility clinic specifically for cancer patients. The fertility doctors are well aware of my situation and carefully chose the drugs to stimulate the ovaries. For those who have had to go through the fertility process, I have so much respect for you! I hated every bit of it. Multiple shots a day and each one was painful. The silver lining was that I happened to be on the fast route and I was able to get my eggs harvested after a week and we were successfully able to freeze several embryos.
While I was going through this process, I also took a genetic test that tested 6 different genes. Breast cancer doesn’t run in my family and it is rare for someone under 40 to get diagnosed with cancer. The most common genetic mutations are BRCA1 & BRCA2. Luckily, I was tested negative for those gene mutations. Unfortunately, they did find I do have a gene mutation and it is a mutation with PALB2. PALB2 is a newly discovered gene mutation that is known to show a high risk of breast cancer and pancreatic cancer. My genetic test showed that my gene mutation has an unknown significance to my condition. This means they can’t confirm if my mutation is the cause of my cancer. So it seems like they will want to do more family research to confirm the significance (this is currently in the works).
So what does this mean going forward? Well I will continue to work and continue to blog. I understand that I will have my limitations and can’t make it my priority. I am truly grateful that my employer has been so supportive throughout this process. Without their support, this process would have been much more difficult. Actually, the support I received from family and friends is overwhelming in the most positive way. Everyone in my life has done every possibly thing to help me get through this and honestly, without them, I would not have had the strength to handle everything. Their love, prayers, and support means so much to me! I am truly blessed. And of course Tre, he has been amazing throughout this journey. I know this is just the beginning of some of the challenges, but he is what keeps me going. He is definitely my HOTY (Husband Of The Year). He is my partner in crime.
I will do my very best to keep up with my blog. I’m sure there will be some slight physical changes or slow days, but I will do whatever it takes to kick cancer’s ass! I also got an awesome wig that looks just like my hair! I wonder if you guys will notice!
If you have made it this far reading this, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read! Like I said, this is definitely the most difficult post I have ever written. Positivity goes a long way and I can’t wait until the cancer’s beaten! Hakuna Matata!
Book: The Silver Lining by Hollye Jacobs
Bag: Treesje (old), similar here
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