|Maxi Dress (old), but love these styles (almost similar) here, here, here, and here|
It is no secret that last week I had my first haircut post chemo. I immediately shared my haircut in my Instagram Story. What most of you don’t know was how much of a big deal this haircut was to me.
Aside from last week, it’s been almost two years since I got my haircut. I shared this story before as well, and my last haircut was when I decided to chop my long locks to donate to cancer patients. A few short months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. So having a haircut was almost a symbol of a poignant point of time in my life.
The funny thing was that when I started losing my hair from chemo, I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I cared more that I lost my lashes haha. I didn’t care as much because I was just too annoyed of constant chunks of hair falling out and leaving a trail everywhere that after a few days I asked my husband to shave it off. I was also too focused on the finish line, beating cancer, for it to sink in that I lost all my hair. Admittedly, I was embarrassed about being bald at first, but after a week or so I got used to it.
It wasn’t until my hair started growing back after finishing my last round of chemo that it sunk in I lost my hair. It was growing in odd patches and different lengths, and I became impatient with the growth. I was also ambitious with the growth. I really wanted my hair to be chin length after 3 months of chemo. I wanted my hair to be ready for my brother-in-law’s wedding. It tore me apart knowing I only had half an inch of hair growth.
As each day, each week, and each month progressed I became self-conscious about how I looked with my hair. It was growing in different lengths and it was hard to maintain. I would constantly be getting bedheads and that would mean I would always have to shower each day to try to tame it. And I’ll be honest, I don’t always want to shower each day. But to look ‘normal’, showering was the only option. Thank goodness for headbands to also tame the look of my hair! It was my saving grace.
Even though the length was odd, I refused to get it trimmed to even it out and remove the dead ends. To me, it meant all that hard work and progression would set me back. I grew to be really attached to my hair. I really wanted my long locks to come back. Getting a haircut would mean it would take even longer to get to my desired length.
Some of you highly recommended I get a haircut (and thank you so much for that!!) and that it would be healthy in growing my hair. It is not that I didn’t want to take your advice, I was just really scared to. In this recovery process, I am working hard on working on myself and trying to get myself back and I was afraid that haircut would take it all away.
More recently, my hair started to bother me. I couldn’t style it the way I wanted to and the uneven lengths became more apparent. That is when one day I decided I should go for it. In my mind I kept thinking, I know I’m afraid of losing my confidence when I get my haircut but what if I gain more confidence too. I kept weighing the two opposite thoughts. And then, I just booked it. And you know what, I am so grateful I did! Lavender Park was so patient with me and took the time to listen to my concerns. They knew without me admitting to it, that I was afraid a haircut would be a setback.
So you know what, they decided to thin it out (haha my hair is too thick!) and tried to blend in the different lengths. And you know what?! I left feeling so good about myself! Lavender Park did an amazing job. In case you were wondering, they’re my go-to hair salon and it was the last place I had my haircut before diagnosis. It was as if I had a boost of confidence injected.
I guess to sum it up, getting this haircut was one of my hardest decisions and I am glad I went through with it. It taught me two things:
- Do something when you are ready. Even though in the end it resulted in me feeling better about myself than when I did walking into the salon, I honestly didn’t think I would have had a great reaction to my cut if I wasn’t ready to walk in. It is all about listening to your body and doing what feels right.
- Sometimes you have to move back to move forward. I was afraid all that progress in my hair growth would be set back if I got my hair cut. But that’s not the truth. If anything, I felt I just reached a milestone in my recovery.
Sorry for the long post. It has been awhile since I’ve been personal and since this haircut was a big deal to me, I definitely wanted to share it with you all!
I wish you all a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!