RD's Obsessions

cancer update, Fashion For Good

Never Give Up

As you all know from this post, I promised that I would be more real about my cancer journey. It’s been just over a year since I was diagnosed, and there is definitely a lot more to share as I am on the road to recovery. To be honest, I contemplated sharing my journey now. I wasn’t sure how you all would react. I initially created this blog to share fashion outfits, but now I want this space to be something more and it just so happens that cancer is a big part of my life. I’m not ashamed of it. I do hope that documenting my journey helps some of you out there. Helping others is without a doubt one of my biggest passions in life. I also hope to share more brands that raise cancer awareness and promote funding for cancer research. Because I know in my heart we can definitely find a cure.

Milestones

I shared a few weeks ago on Instagram that I completed one
of my chemo drugs. YAY! What a big milestone to check off. Now I go in for IV
treatments every 6 months and I still take my quarterly shots.  Another milestone soon to be checked off is removal
of my port. Since I don’t have to go in for treatments as often, my surgeons
find it unnecessary for me to have this device in my body. Guess when they
scheduled the removal of my port?! …. My birthday! I couldn’t believe the
physician assistant called me to notify me that March 21 is when I’ll be in
surgery. Granted, this should only be an hour procedure (more time will be
spent in the recovery room), however, I was hoping I would be ‘out n about’ on
my birthday. Unfortunately, when I tried to reschedule, my surgeon wasn’t
available and I don’t see the point in waiting much longer.

How do I feel about this?! 
Bittersweet. I’m excited that this is a sign that things are going well
for me. That I can tell cancer to ‘F off’ and I know I am kicking cancer’s
butt. However, strange as this may sound, my port was a sense of comfort. My
port made the whole cancer process a lot easier. Prior to my port, my arm was
pretty much a pincushion to the point that my arms were blue from bruises. The
port became a part of me.

Fight after the Fight

When I was first diagnosed, I heard from cancer survivors
that coming back to the real world was an adjustment. I thought I ‘got it’, but
I didn’t until now. I’m sure many of you have noticed based on some of my
Instagram posts (I love sharing inspirational quotes!), that I have shown signs
of struggling. I have been ever since my mastectomy.  When I went back to work and most of my
restrictions were lifted, I finally understood what it meant to fight after the
fight.

Shirt: c/o Sevenly (7% gets donated to National Breast Cancer Foundation)
Headband: c/o Headbands of Hope (buy 1 headband, & 1 gets donated to a child with cancer)
Boyfriend Jeans: Gap
Belt: Asos
Bracelet: My Intent Project
Not every cancer survivor/fighter goes through this. To me,
I couldn’t adjust ‘back to the world’. I had a new norm and I got accustomed to
it. But when I started to get back to the things I used to do, it was as if
everyone else was stuck in time and didn’t progress with me. I couldn’t connect
with everything around me.
Everyone assumed that because my treatments weren’t as
‘harsh’ (I was able to go back to work without worrying about my immunity),
that I could keep up with the pace of a normal human being. Chemo takes a toll
on your body and one of my nurses said it well, “Chemo is like getting hit by
an 18-wheeler. It takes a lot of time until your body is recovered”. Just
because I am walking and back to work doesn’t mean I no longer have the chemo effects.
I am currently going through some of the long term side effects from chemo. My
left foot has neuropathy. My joints, especially my wrist and fingers, are
always in pain to the point that I can’t type, pick up things, or all of a
sudden gets weak that I drop whatever I am holding. All while my entire body
feels so foreign to me. I don’t even recognize it.

I’ve been and am still going through all these long-term
side effects while going to work and man did work hit me hard. I work in a very
intense, fast pace environment. With my chemo brain, and still fighting through
the fatigue, it was hard keeping up. So hard that it felt like I was failing at
everything. Every work, task, project I had to do felt harder and harder to the
point that thinking about going to work gave me anxiety. I sometimes would cry
in the middle of the day because I was so frustrated or find myself panicking. Then
I would come home so exhausted. Everything in my body felt so heavy. I felt
like I was being punished. I thought that since I am progressing well with my
cancer treatments that I should be happy. I was so confused.

I did eventually talk to my bosses about cutting down my
work. My oncologist was worried that it was affecting my health and may regress
my progression. It is definitely getting better now, but it is not perfect. I know
that this adjustment is a work in progress and I just have to take it each day
at a time.
I don’t want this post to sound depressing at all. Overall,
I am happy and I am happy with my life. My husband and I are talking and
starting to plan all the traveling we will be doing in the next few years and I
am so excited about that! There are a lot of good things coming my way. As long
as I never give up, I know in the end I will be okay. I know I am not the only
one going through this and I am so blessed to have wonderful people in my life
to step in whenever I need them.
This weekend, I am in Oakland for the Young SurvivorsCoalition Summit. It is a weekend dedicated to young breast cancer fighters and
breast cancer survivors on understanding the effects of cancers, adjusting to
life, and connecting with other cancer fighters and survivors. It’ll be nice to
be able to meet others who are and went through what I am going through.
Sometimes a conversation with someone who can relate can make the situation a
lot less worse than what it is.

Thank you all for taking the time to continue to follow,
support, and read about my journey. I really do appreciate it!  <3

xo RD

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Keep on reading...
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Q&A About When to go therapy, dealing with anxiety, and when to have kids.Q&A: Answering About When To Go To Therapy, My Anxiety, and Kids
Feeling Content After A Cancer DiagnosisFinally Feeling Content After A Cancer Diagnosis

Comments

  1. You are such an inspiration, lady- and you give such an honest voice to this process that sooo many people go through, and yet the world at large is still ignorant about. I am so proud of you + continue to send you good vibes. You are SO strong!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

    Reply

  24. Even though I don't understand the process, but I am so proud of you and I am so happy that I have seen the last part of the journey and you gave me courage. I really admire you and your strength. I love that you went back to work during your chemo and didn't stay at home feeling sorry for yourself. I wish I can be as brace as you.
    I am so glad that you are getting better.
    http://societyfix.blogspot.com.eg/

    Reply

  25. Thanks for sharing your progress and I'm sure the port removal surgery will go well. Hope you had a good and informative time at the Summit in Oakland. And I think it's wonderful that you and the hubs are thinking about traveling. I think that would be wonderful for you.

    Reply

  31. Thanks for continuing to share your story. I know it must take courage to put it out here for all of us. I can only imagine it must have been hard to adjust back to life. I mean, you have gone through (and in a lot of sense will go continue to go through for a long time) this huge thing and everyone else has just been living normal life. I'm glad you will get to go to the summit. Hopefully being around others who can relate will be refreshing.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

    Reply

  35. You're really so brave to share any of this! With your wig, we really had zero idea what was going on behind the scenes, but I think sharing it meant you didn't have to feel so alone. One day someone going through the same thing will find comfort in your story. (: With how you beat the odds. I imagine when you and your husband begin to travel you'll feel such a rush of contentment with life. I truly think cancer survivors see the world as such a beautiful place and need to remind us all that it is. (:

    Reply

    • I guess that is good that it is hard to tell what is going on behind the scenes? It did feel good to share my story and I did learn that there are others out there going through the same thing which is comforting. Thank you so much Kiki!

      Reply

  37. Sounds like an amazing even to be a part of! I can't even begin to imagine what the adjustment period would by like for that but it's always nice to hear someone openly talk about their experiences so I can understand it more for those in my life who have gone through it.

    xoxo
    Rina Samantha
    http://www.andshedressed.com

    Reply

  41. Rach, what an inspiration you are! You have a beautiful life ahead of you and you deserve to live and enjoy every freaking moment of it! Wishing you all of the health in the world girl and wishing you all the best on your road to recovery. Thank you so much for sharing your story! You have more courage in your fingernail than I do in my whole body (but, really:). Sending lots of love your way! Keep kicking ass girl!

    Reply

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