Reflecting On 2021
How is it that on Saturday it will be 2022?! Like WHHHHATTTT!!! Doesn’t 2019 seem like it was last year? It reminds me of that meme that’s going viral that says something like you think 2019 is last year but it will be three years ago. I’m mindblown. The past couple years have zipped by so quickly yet I experienced so much growth, especially in 2021. It’s why I’m reflecting so much on the year. I’m not ready for the year to be over but I’m so ready for the new year. It’s a total oxymoron, but isn’t that life?
I was hoping by the end of 2021, we would rarely hear, read, and experience COVID. Unfortunately, that is not the case. And it made the year slightly frustrating. But one thing I’m glad I learned from having cancer is that life is going to be shitty and challenging yet there are going to be a lot of good things that will come out of it. So I saw a lot more positives and learned to adjust my lifestyle with COVID’s existence. I hope most of you are able to do this and continue to live your life while being cautious of course.
I also want to THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for supporting me this year. You all are the best and I could not have asked for better readers. You all appreciate me for being me and it’s such a great feeling. I know I don’t have to be something I’m not. And whenever I experience life changing events, you all show me so much love. So thank you again. Forever grateful for you!
What made 2021 so different from 2020 and all the years past is that I became a mother! I dedicated most of 2021 to figuring out motherhood and how to care for another individual. I’ve taken a step back from blogging since Carter was born. While there were times I was stressing out that I was not blogging, I knew deep down I would regret not dedicating my time to Carter and allowing myself to heal and adjust to this new lifestyle. Looking back, I know it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Babies grow so fast and I’m glad I was able to cherish a lot of moments with him.
I’m also figuring out my way as a first time mom. Although, my exhaustion was on a whole another level haha. There are no rest days. Some days I’m okay with it, but definitely in the beginning I was an emotional wreck. I’ve never felt so incompetent in my whole life and I was constantly envious of my husband. Talked a lot about my 4th trimester experience here.
What surprised me the most about motherhood is that it gave me confidence in myself in more ways than I expected. I didn’t realize it at first because there were lots of tears and it sure didn’t feel that way haha. But looking back, I handled a lot more than I did before I was a mother and got it done. It proved to me that I can do anything. I started to figure out what I’m okay letting go with my life and prioritizing what I want to accomplish with myself as a mother and as a person. It helped me focus on friendships that are truly valuable and what friendships I’m okay with falling apart.
What I didn’t expect from 2021 is my fear about cancer and the future kicking in. Sometimes looking ahead scares me because I have this fear that I may not be around for it. I talked about this with my Onco-psychologist and they mentioned that this fear came back because of the weight and gravity of not being there for Carter feels so heavy. Discussions about life insurance, etc freaks me out because I don’t even want to think about it. So that’s something I’m working on.
Overall, I’m feeling so much gratitude for 2021. It wasn’t an ideal year (err COVID) but so much good came out of it that I’m counting all my blessings. I never gave up on myself. I know who is truly there for me, I have a beautiful family and beautiful baby boy, and I landed a job that I’ve been wanting for a very long time!
So thank you 2021 for everything you’ve given me. It was a hard and eye-opening one, but you definitely gave me more than what I asked for.
I wish you all a safe and Happy New Year!